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Musings on Marriage: 02

10 Mar

Every time I flip on Sex and the City, I’m always amazed at how some aspect from any episode will resonate with me, even now that I’m married. It might be easy to judge the show and assume it’s just about the sex lives of single women in NYC, but it’s not at all. Those who have watched the whole series, like me, feel such a connection to Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha because the show is all about relationships. With men, of course, but also relationships with girlfriends.

In a way, Sex and the City is like the older sister to HBO’s Girls.  I love Girls and think Lena Dunham is a genius for finally bringing the trials of females in their early 20’s to television, although I still don’t quite, exactly relate. I guess it’s probably because the 20-somethings today are an entirely different breed than when I was in my early 20’s. I went to high school just before every sophomore had a cell phone. I was in college when I heard about Facebook. And I still haven’t gotten up the nerve to take a selfie to post on Instagram yet. As I creep closer to 30, I feel like everything “the kids” are doing nowadays seems just a bit crazier than what I was doing back then too, which sounds like something I’d have rolled my eyes at my grandparents for saying back when I was doing crazy stuff at that age, but it’s true.

Considering this, I find it so incredible that Sex and the City is still so relatable because when I was watching it, much like when I watch Girls now, the characters were not even close to my age. Yet, just today, I felt this surge of fondness as Big pulled Carrie back into his arms and playfully begged her to stay just a little while longer because I remember that stage of my relationship with Brian. When we used to live in our own apartments and would drag out saying our goodbyes to each other after a date and finally part.

Once you’re committed to someone and you live with them and see them day in and day out, that newness and novelty fades and that “spark” that used to feel so chemical and urgent is dulled. I like to think  (hope?) that we’ve graduated beyond that stage to some deeper level of committed-ness with its own package of benefits, like absolute security and deeper intimacy, but it’s still nice to remember back to the silly, passionate, mad beginning once in a while. And I think that’s one of my favorite reasons to still watch the show today.

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Food is Love: Valentine’s Day 2014

17 Feb

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We went big. Not quite as big as 2012, but as always, the day and weekend largely revolved around food. (And Brian spoiling me WAY too much.)  Since we had a very late dinner reservation, we snacked on crudites and prosciutto at home while we sipped some wine before heading out for cocktails at a cute spot Brian thought I’d like called Cuchi Cuchi in Cambridge. The atmosphere was retro-glam/old-Hollywood so it was right up my ally. Any excuse to wear some fur…

IMG_9441_editdress: Cynthia Rowley/jacket: Anne Taylor Loft (old)/belt: BCBG

All their fruit purees are made fresh so I was excited to try the “Brain Teaser” with caçhaca rum, strawberry puree, lime juice, and champagne. Brian had “The Avenue” with Maker’s Mark, Daron Calvados, passion fruit puree, orange blossom water, and pomegranate. His was a little too “alcohol-y” (is that a term?) I thought, but I’ll definitely try to re-create mine at home sometime soon, it was so fresh and fruity. After we snagged two bar seats, we happily sipped our vintage cocktails before heading to dinner at Scampo in the Liberty Hotel in Boston.

20140218-231412.jpgThe wine selection at Scampo is vast and thoughtfully chosen

Dinner was absolutely delicious though we had a bit of a rocky start when we were seated 45 minutes late. Nothing a few glasses of wine and some incredibly creamy, oozy burratta and prosciutto flatbread couldn’t fix though — we’re easy to please. As much as I loved our entree, (we ordered the same), I think the spaghetti bolognese was the highlight of the night for me. Well, that and the Super Tuscan I drank with our apps.

20140218-230843.jpgSo thrilled we finished off leftover Valentine’s-themed gift wrap. Finally!

Wow, three whole paragraphs devoted to food. Priorities, right? I suppose you might also be interested to hear what we gifted each other? I’ve almost given up on ever outdoing Brian’s incredible thoughtfulness when it comes to gifting because he blows me out of the water every.single.time, but I’ll share more details on that later this week… there was chocolate involved.

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Musings on marriage

6 Dec

quote_comparison is the thief

I spend a lot of time thinking about communication, relationships, and marriage. Lately I’ve been thinking about the importance of perspective and not comparing our marriage to others. There isn’t a check list or a score sheet we should use. What matters to a couple is self-defined.

This point became exceptionally clear to me as I was texting with Brian recently. In the course of two messages I upbraided him for his NY Mets logo Facebook profile photo when I’d slaved away developing and editing our Christmas photo. Silly, right? I know!

Then we joked about our nightly “blanket wars” which segued to me thanking him for always, no matter how near-asleep he is, completely turning to kiss me good night when I come to bed late. He could just blow a kiss or feign deep-sleep but he always shifts to kiss me. It’s such an automatic  gesture he does it practically asleep. Needless to say, I melt nightly. Then I snuggle up behind him and gently sneak my arm around his chest and fall into the most contended, blissful sleep.

This reminds of one night last week when I stayed up writing well after I’d said I’d come to bed. I heard the bed creak as he got up and moments later he was standing in the hall, all rumpled bed head and squinty-eyes. I’ve never slammed my laptop shut but I’m pretty sure I did just that after he said “Are you coming to bed? I can’t fall asleep without you.” Awwww.

I’m sure you’ve heard the advice to pick your battles, but I think more apt advice might be to more mindfully pick your priorities. I’d never trade the sweet, romantic, intimacies I have with Brian for some of the sillier things I distract myself with.