Musings on marriage

quote_comparison is the thief

I spend a lot of time thinking about communication, relationships, and marriage. Lately I’ve been thinking about the importance of perspective and not comparing our marriage to others. There isn’t a check list or a score sheet we should use. What matters to a couple is self-defined.

This point became exceptionally clear to me as I was texting with Brian recently. In the course of two messages I upbraided him for his NY Mets logo Facebook profile photo when I’d slaved away developing and editing our Christmas photo. Silly, right? I know!

Then we joked about our nightly “blanket wars” which segued to me thanking him for always, no matter how near-asleep he is, completely turning to kiss me good night when I come to bed late. He could just blow a kiss or feign deep-sleep but he always shifts to kiss me. It’s such an automatic  gesture he does it practically asleep. Needless to say, I melt nightly. Then I snuggle up behind him and gently sneak my arm around his chest and fall into the most contended, blissful sleep.

This reminds of one night last week when I stayed up writing well after I’d said I’d come to bed. I heard the bed creak as he got up and moments later he was standing in the hall, all rumpled bed head and squinty-eyes. I’ve never slammed my laptop shut but I’m pretty sure I did just that after he said “Are you coming to bed? I can’t fall asleep without you.” Awwww.

I’m sure you’ve heard the advice to pick your battles, but I think more apt advice might be to more mindfully pick your priorities. I’d never trade the sweet, romantic, intimacies I have with Brian for some of the sillier things I distract myself with.


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